Things that go buzz in the night

Last Friday was my birthday. Never mind how old I was. Some of my oh so clever friends decided to stick their wallets together and buy me a gift. This resulted in two little presents and one larger one. There was quite a bit of giggling as they handed it over, but they always giggle for every little thing (and they're almost thirty. How's that for scary?), so I didn't give it much thought.
Now, as always, my mums came to visit me on my birthday to eat cake and bring presents for me to open. It's a lovely tradition, really. Then came the time to open the presents from my friends.... The first little present contained a battery. The second little present contained another battery. And the third, and final present contained A BLOODY HUGE VIBRATOR. Just the thing that you want to wave around in front of your parents, ain't it? Ehm... No.

So today my mother calls me. "Have you tried the vibrator?" she asks.
"No!" I say. What am I going to say? Yes? Hell, no!
"You have to try it," my mother says, sounding dissapointed.
"Mum, if I had tried it, and you'd asked me if I'd tried my vibrator, the answer would still be a resounding no," I explain.

I mean, honestly...