I hate Mondays

I went down into the living room to watch some tv and goof around on the laptop, and suddenly there was this loud hissing noise. I couldn't tell where it was coming from, but it was really loud and intense.

Then I happened to look up... Our living room used to be a shop way back when, so there's some very funky wiring in there and there's a chunk of wires sticking a couple of inches out if a small hole in the ceiling. We've tried to move them before, but the idiot who put them there decided to pull them through these plastic tubes and fix the tubes in place somewhere inside the ceiling, so the bastards won't budge. It's like something out of an Asian horror movie. They're ancient, from back when they used cloth in wires (also pretty idiotic).




Would you just look at that? It's like our ceiling is giving birth to one of the Borg.

So I'm looking up and I realize that's where the hissing is coming from. And then there's also smoke and sparks \o/ To make it even more fun, we have no idea what those bloody wires are connected to so we have no idea whether or not we've managed to turn them off, and if we kill the fuses then the alarm will go into hysterics. Isn't life grand?

At least now there's an electrician on the way. We're very excited to see of he manages to fix it without removing arts of the ceiling...

I hate Mondays.

two things!

First off we have documentation of my last girly moment.

It looked pretty for a while, then I went outside where it was hot and humid and the curls all ran away while I was in line at Baresso, waiting for my Gelatte. I didn't even notice at first, because I was standing next to a girl with the biggest plastic boobs I have ever seen in my entire life. I kept looking over at Mr Choochoo and his friend to see if they would notice, but no. 


Second, this is the strangest music video ever. Even if this might not be your kind of music, I'm sure you can still appreciate The Weird. Hell, if you can't appreciate The Weird, then what are you doing here, eh?

Goo and sleeping beauty

I have entered the influenza phase where I can sneeze a gazillion times in a row. Normally I'm a huge fan of sneezing. It's better than chocolate and the smell of new jeans. This is because a sneeze (and yes, I know I've said this before) makes the inside of your head feel like the air outside after it rains.

Not this time, though.

I will now distract you from thoughts of snot and slime by dangling a picture of my dog in front of your faces. I call it "sleeping beauty."

Farewell, cruel world!

Because I'm at death's door, see. I'm sick. Terribly, horribly sick. I have...the man-flu. Equal opportunities, and all that. Unfortunately, I don't get to whine and complain anywhere near as much as I'd like, because my voice is gone. Completely, absolutely vanished. Can't even make a squeaky sound.

As if that wasn't enough, Pooch is bored and has decided to spend all her time staring at me. Whenever I try to tell her to go lie down, no sound comes out and she thinks it's a new game. Then I try to use arm movements, which leads her to think that I've thrown something fun and she'd better go get it. When she fails to find anything, the whole song and dance starts all over again.

Also, I'm constantly stuffing myself with throat lozenges, because that is my way of clinging to sanity. Do you know what happens when you eat unnatural amounts of throat lozenges in a short period of time? Gas, that's what! Mister Choochoo has dubbed me Fart-Burp-Monster...

This week is stupid and I wish it would just go away. At least the weather is nice. Oh, wait...

Missed a spot with the sun lotion

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I have grumbles!

Last night, I woke up with my shoulder going "it huuuurts! It huuuuuuuurts!" And it was right. It did hurt. Three cheers for inflamed muscles. Weee. 

Given the circumstances, we decided to order food yesterday. Among said food there was a garlic bread. Of evil! 

So today I woke up with my stomach going "it huuuurts! it huuuuuuuuuurts!" My poor stomach has somehow swelled up to twice it's normal size. I'm just waiting for Mr Choochoo to get out of bed, take one look at me and think "Oh my god! She's pregnant!" Then I'll just sip my coke and watch the freak-out. 

Ladies and gentlemen, on our show tonight...

The Pooch's birthday cake video! TADAAA! (just ignore the house being a bit of a mess)

Boy & girl moment

Me: what do you think my Indian name would be, if I was an Indian?
Mister: Farts-at-night.

I was horribly insulted, because I never fart. But then I got distracted by another thought.

Me: is it normal to become queasy if you stick your finger in your belly button and shake it up and down fast?
Mister: What?
Me: kinda like car sickness.
Mister: I have another Indian name for you.
Me: what is it?
Mister: Comes-from-Space...




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Wisdom just leaps from my brain

This pretty much sums up myself as a wannabe writer (insert sigh here):Self-doubt leads to failure, and failure in turns leads to self-doubt, and the two tango together, punching you in the butthole again and again until you can no longer defecate productively

So...

Mr Choochoo sent me this earlier. I think he's trying to tell me something...




I have no idea what he's on about, of course. He's also accusing me of messing up his Netflix recommendations. He is apparently not too thrilled about categories like "romantic comedies featuring a strong female lead." Which is funny, because they look just fine to me. And you should have seen the look of despair on his face when he saw me watching Toddlers and Tiaras. He's a strange man, that one.

It's science!

Today I cloned my dog, using nothing but her brush.




See that look in her eyes? She still hates me a little for having given her a bath. Now she smells like wet dog and strawberries.

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This is why so many artists become weird

This is from an art school's notice board




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And then Pooch's mind was blown

This is what I picked up at the store




And this is what happened when I showed it to Pooch




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Monday morning "/?=¤/&"%

Had a rude awakening because Friendly-Cat decided to do an aria outside my window:

Made a large cup of coffee. Dropped it and made sure to not only spill all over the counter, but also onto every piece of clothing I was wearing. Underpants included.

Home completely alone until tomorrow

Rain, rain, rain and more rain. And wind.

Freddy Krueger marathon on netflix tonight and drinking cherry wine until he looks purdy

I do NOT snore...

Mister Choochoo didn't come to bed until late last night. I was awake, playing with my iPad, when I heard him coming up the stairs. I quickly hid the thing and pretended to be asleep. The tricky part when it comes to making people believe that you are sleeping, is not to giggle. I don't know why, but it always makes me want to chuckle like a psychotic toddler.

I focused oh so very hard on breathing slowly and peacefully, while I was biting the insides of my cheeks not to do the mental-patient-laugh. Then, just as the Mr had sat down on the bed, I hopped up and yelled "BOOO!"

Mister Choochoo just looked at me calmly and said "as if I hadn't noticed that you weren't snoring..."

How very dare he!


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Oh, the subtlety

So I picked up on your discrete hints and the word verification on this blog should now be gone.

Might I just say that HOLY CRAP was that thing unwilling to die quietly. I keep looking over my shoulder in case this is going to be like one of those horror sci-fi films where the computer decides to fight back.

In further news, this just moved in:





It's the world ugliest soup tureen. I love it. I don't know why. I think it's the same thing that makes people fall in love with rescue pets that are, say, missing an eyeball and maybe a couple of legs. Not only does it have weird flowers everywhere, it's also painted in a way that makes it appear to have been sculpted out of mashed potatoes. And it has a miserable looking face! Hint: the roses are the eyes.

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My list of two items

As I mentioned before, Mondays are my home-alone day. They tend to be pretty boring. This time I've decided to make a list of the positives. These are the two best ones:

1. Chips: in all shapes and varieties. The smell of chips makes the mister put on his pukey face, and although I've near-vomited on him a couple of times when I was sick, I would prefer to not be vomited on in return. So on Mondays I get to eat chips until the smell of them makes me want to puke, too.

2. Open doors: if the doors to the living room and the bathroom are both open, I can pee and watch telly at the same time!!! That totally needed more than one exclamation point.

After a full night of snoring...

You know how sometimes you wake up in the morning, and your throat feels as if you tried to swallow a porcupine without chewing? And you have this sneaking suspicion that you might have broken the sound barrier a few times during the night with truly epic snores? And you kinda glance guiltily over at your spouse/partner/realdoll lying next to you in bed, sleeping soundly but maybe looking a little pale?

Welcome to my morning! I'm also feeling a bit...oxygen starved. Nothing a 6x espresso won't fix. Then maybe I can come up with a clever plot to still be lovable by the time Mr Choochoo gets up, despite having snored like a wilderbeast all night long.

If I could only get out of this chair...

Happy valentines day

Posted this yesterday, but something went funny with it.

I've lost it...

Remember that huge pile of candy from last night? Remember how I was all "I'm going to eat it all, muahahaha"? About an hour later, I was 1/4 into the bowl and slowly turning a shade of putrid green.
I used to be really good at stuffing my face. Good enough to wear a special crown, if I must say so myself. Not that I would. I've spent countless hours watching "what not to wear."
But last night, I was forced to admit that I have lost my imaginary crown. My poor body isn't used to sugar the way it once was. Right now I'm thinking that THIS time the lesson is going to stick. Although logically I know it'll only last until this damned sugar headache wears off.




Later that day: My headache went away and then I lost my mind and before I knew it, I had eaten more candy and now my head hurts again. I'm telling you, there is something wrong inside my brain somewhere.


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