I have commited cookery

Yes, I have. This weekend I made dinner, all by myself, actually. I know that I have previously claimed to be the least domestic person in the whole wide world, and if anyone would like to challenge me for the title, then good luck to them – they’ll need it. Still, I do like cooking, though. It’s just that I hate the cleaning up bit so much more than I like the putting food together bit, and therefore I don’t do it very often.

I had a very brief career as a kitchen assistant once upon a time. Then I got paid for cleaning up, so that was okay. I don’t suppose anyone of you would want to pay me for doing my dishes, would you? No? Cheap bastards.

Once we made this particular dish that I’ve heard lots about, but never seen. It’s name would imply that it had something to do with birds, but it didn’t. In fact, it looked suspiciously like dog poops… I remember the chefs used to chase their assistants down and make them taste stuff (I gained close to ten pounds during that period, which made me even easier to chase down, so it’s probably a good thing I quit when I did.).

I can’t say that the dog poop food tasted like dog poop, however, because that would imply something about myself that simply isn’t true.