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Saturday, December 15, 2007

Satan's.... Uhm... SANTA's little helpers

I love when the Christmas decorations all come up around town. Especially the ones in the mall. They’re all shiny, soo shiiiiiiny. After having been awoken by the sounds of loud screechy sex from upstairs, I figured I’d go check it out. The decorations that is, not the screechy sex. The less I know about that, the better, really.

The first thing that you notice is the enormous Santa hanging on the wall right next to the escalators. First you see his boots and his gigantic…uhm…pelvic area, then comes the belly, arms and when you start to near the top of the stairs, you're always relieve to see that he's got a head. As I was staring up at Chris Cringle’s private bits, I could hear the merry music of the season pouring out from the record store.

Every year the record companies spew out CD’s with various A- and B celebrities singing Christmas songs. If you play them backwards you’ll probably hear the voice of Satan commanding you to stock up on Coca Cola products, or something.

This time of the year, I become extremely partial to everything with the word “Christmas” written on it. I buy Christmas soda, Christmas cookies, Christmas notebooks and the list goes on and on. I have a Christmas calendar, of course. Normally, when there’s chocolate in the house, I attack it all with such feverish glee you’d think I’d just been released from a work camp in Siberia. Are there still work camps in Siberia, by the way? Probably not.

Hey, did you know what I just noticed? SANTA is and acronym for SATAN. I wonder what that means? Probably that I have too much time on my hands.

12 comments:

Hageltoast said...

we love christmas, especially christmas tea and coffee which have a wonderful cinamon and orange flavour.

Rain said...

Christmas is my favorite time of the year. Warm apple cider, baking cookies and making fudge!

I know what you mean about Christmas CD's most of the time the artist(?) butcher the songs, it's so sad.

Sornie said...

I am holding out for a Christmas disc featuring Robert Goulet and William Shatner. It would truly suck but I enjoy a good trainwreck

TOM said...

Choo Choo you have to find a link to an old Saturday Night Live skit with Dana Carvey doing the "Church Lady" she talks about the whole Santa - Satan connection..I noticed in the mall that people are much ruder this time of year both in the stores and on the roads leading to them.

Merry Ho Ho Rump dee dum dum

Jocelyn said...

Satan is the saint of Christmas.

You didn't know?

All these years you've been supporting the underworld.

Jazz said...

Of course Santa is an acronym for Satan. Christmas time is evil.

ticknart said...

Santa and Satan have lots in common:
Both like wearing red.
Both hang around lots of coal.
Both try to buy your affection with empty promises.
Both want you to be on their side.
Both hang out with creepy little people.

The list can go on and on!

Freak Magnet said...

Do you do like me and go to the Christmas sections and just lightly touch all the sparklies? Is that enough for you, too?

Jay said...

I like this cheesy stuff too. It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

(S)wine said...

Hey, just a quick note that I've changed my URL to: http://swine.wordpress.com/

Seraphine said...

I love seeing Christmas decorations in restaurants and around town, especially the xmas lights. It makes everything festive. I notice though they put the best stuff either in store window displays or otherwise out of reach so I can't steal it.

choochoo said...

Toasty - oh, I do too:D

Rain - it's my favorite, too. Despite of the artists...

Sornie - LOL. I would totaly buy that. I hope there would be a music video.

Tom - damn, I thought it was -my- brilliant idea. Back to the drawing board, I guess

Joeclyn - I guess I'm slow on the uptake.

Jazz - only becuse of the coca cola company.

Ticknart - well, you get weird spending 364 days out of the year staring at elves and snow and shit.

Freak magnet - for some reason they hang it all out of my reach. Granted, I have short arms, but still...

Jay - I know:D

Swine - thanx

Seraphine - I guess they see us comin' a mile away, huh?