Tuesday, January 08, 2008


Today I have been lucky enough to spend loads of time with someone who makes me want to commit murder. The kind involving axes and/or bathtubs filled with toasters.

Murder is the slaying of one human being by another. There are four kinds of murder: felonious, excusable, justifiable and praiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slain whether they fell by one kind or another – the classification is for the advantage of the lawyers. If I kill this person, I’m sure it’ll be either excusable or justifiable. If someone else does it for me, it’ll be praiseworthy. It will be to me, anyways. There’s a hint in there somewhere, you know.

I’d even get you a lawyer. One skilled in circumvention of the law.


Anonymous said...

If you fill up a bathtub with toasters, there won't be any room for your victim, unless of course you are referring to champagne and clinking glasses, in which case, I'd be the first to climb in.

Jocelyn said...

Okay, now I want to know more about this person and what induces a murderous feeling in those who are around him/her!

Hageltoast said...

you have a difficult issue now. Having posted this you are going to be accused of pre meditation, so go with it and try to demonstrate the actual need to kill this person, or make it look like suicide and hope they don't know about the blog. ;)

Jazz said...

If it's what I think it is, murder would be praiseworthy whoever committed it. Even you.

Big Brother said...

As one of my students once told me..."some people are just a waste of good oxygen..." but this said it is not nice to do someone in with an axe. It's bloody, messy and lacks a certain, "je ne sais quoi" Try exotic drugs, something biomedical like a genetically tailored virus. That way you can always put it down to a horrible lab accident. ;o)

Sornie said...

Sounds alot like my trip to Wal-Mart yesterday except I wanted to "stab everyone of those bastards in their faces" as I explained to the first person who called on my commute home.

Anonymous said...

there's also accidental murder.

Anonymous said...

Use VOODOO, it's fun and hard to trace back to the donj't have to murder them right away...just hobble them and then maybe...poke them with a pin here and there...they are great for starting camp fires too!!

The Truffle said...

Who is this person and why does he/she induce homicidal thoughts?

I had an encounter with an irritating person, too. I got through it.

choochoo said...

Seraphina - I suppose I could beat her to death with a toaster. Hmmm.

Jocelyn - sometimes ignorance is bliss, you know.

Toast - what, you mean crack my subersecret blogger identity? But I'm an angel. The pic proves that.

Jazz - my feelings exactly

Big brother - hmmm... horrible lab accident... you might be on to something there.

Sornie - oh yeah, I know that feeling.

Swine - like when someone falls on your knife again and again?


The truffle - oh, irritating doesn't begin to cover it... Believe me. Come on over and I'll point'em out to you, then you'll understand.