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Monday, April 02, 2007

The cookie ambush

You know what? I almost forgot to post anything today. I was distracted by a bag of chocolate chip cookies. There I was, going through the cupboards – in search of carrot sticks, of course – and I heard a tiny, little voice coming from the top shelf.

“We’re lonesome,” it said.

I looked around, but couldn’t see anyone, so I grabbed my healthy snack and just as I was going to close the doors, the voice came again. “Please don’t leave us,” it said.

At that very moment, the sun peeked out from behind a cloud and sent a shiny ray of light in through my kitchen window. With an almost magical sparkle, it crept over my shoulder, into the cupboard and very gently touched the bag of cookies. I had almost forgotten that they were there.

Yes, I had. No, I hadn’t been nibbling on them for days. Oh, shut up!

“Take us with you,” said the cookies, and the bag stretched slightly in the sun.

“I can’t take you. You’re not healthy,” I objected.

“But we just want to sit on the table and watch TV, so that we won’t be lonely anymore.”

The cookies sounded very sad, indeed, and I couldn’t really see any harm in them just sitting next to me while watching reruns of Friends, so I brought them.

We watched in silence for a few minutes. Once again, I had almost forgotten that the cookies were there. Joey was sitting at the central Perk with Ross. He leaned forwards, about to say tell him something in confidence, looked around to make sure nobody would hear, opened his mouth and…

“Eat me” The voice came from the table, where a small cookie had somehow made its way out of the bag.

“I can’t eat you. You’ll make me fat.” I tried to explain why it and my waist line were natural enemies, and had just gotten past that part about how white sugar is bad, when I realised that the little cookie was sobbing.

“Please eat me,” it said. “Pretty please.”

I suppose one wouldn’t hurt, I thought, and put it in my mouth. It giggled as I chewed and swallowed.

Another ten minutes into the show, a tiny little voice sounded from my stomach. “I miss my mummy.”

And since I didn’t know which one of the other cookies were its mummy… Well, what else could I do? I had to eat them all. Anything else would have been cruel.
Cookie pic by Procsilas for www.flickr.com

25 comments:

Lx said...

cookies talk to you, bottles of gin/wine/cognac talk to me.
oh, the weaknesses we harbor.

furiousBall said...

You're like the Oprah of cookies.





...Cookie Oprah


White sugar makes the best badonk badonk butt.

jillie said...

Those little chocolate chips gave their lives for you...LOL

tom said...

The chocolate chips never talk to me, I'm always hearing the Nuts!

Hammer said...

Those cookies are evil liars I tell ya ;)

Ex-Shammickite said...

Oink Oink!

choochoo said...

Lx - Just as well. If we were perfect, they'd make us wear spandex and capes and save idjits.

Furiousball - Yet another thing that there ought to be money in

Jillie - They were brave, little troupers

Tom - Most of the nuts around here aren't edible

Hammer - They're the devil, they are

Ex-shammickite - Are you insinuating something? :P

Big Brother said...

Ah chocolate chip cookies with BIG hunks of dark chocolate, soft moist center and crispy rim, warm form the oven, with a nice cold glass of milk.... heaven I say, pure heaven. I understand, remember not good for the body, but soooo good for morale.

Rain said...

I miss eating cookies...

and yet I feel oddly satisfied after reading your post! =D

Jazz said...

I never realized what a wonderful, generous, helpful, selfless person you are. I am crying from the beauty of your goodness.

Jocelyn said...

How kind of you not to play favorites with those little cookies. You are an equal-opportunity muncher.

So, um, you keep your carrot sticks in the cupboard? Did you know they, um, last longer if you keep them in the fridge?

Happily Anonymous said...

Well...I'm glad I'm not the only one who looks for carrots in the cupboards.

Demon23... said...

I just stick to healthy line of dieting and exercise... wait, I am so full of shit. Chocolate cookies are my weakness

jillie said...

I've really got to do something about this cookie craving...

Lx said...

throw some ganja in there and we're all set.

choochoo said...

Big brother - and now I'm hungry again..

Rain - glad I could help

Jazz - oh yes, I'm the personification of love and goodness

Jocelyn - uhm... Well... Okay, so maybe I wasn't looking for carrots...

Happily anonymous - we could form a secret society

Deamon23 - I miss mine...

Jillie - eat cookies? Might help

lx - PARTY!!!

Tisha! said...

hahahahahahahahahahaahahaha you HAD to eat them all!?

communicating with inanimate objects, I'd worry if you couldn't or didn't!

mouaaaaaaaaah

dr. zombieswan said...

okay, I'm doing bad things and venturing out to other blogs again. People who comment on people I read. Hola! I like your blog. Now I have to read it. Dammit. I'll never get anything else done, ever again. Sigh.

I had cookies yesterday, too. It was some kind of cookie uprising. Probably. But we taught those little bastards the truth of their rebellion, didn't we? Mwhahahahahahahahaha ha ha. Ha.

::dramatic music swells in background while I put my black, rebellion crushing cape on::

Blame LX. He's the reason I'm here.

dawn said...

oh good I am not the only one

Michelle Wun said...

Like your post! lol

Evil Spock said...

The only foods that take anthropomorphic qualities are gummy bears and animal crackers. All they do is beg Evil Spock not to eat them. Its a sad case of affairs for all involved.

Cochise said...

Hi, Choo!

Poor girl! Cookies speaking?! That’s the very beginning…
Will you stop smoking those little skinny cigarettes that make people laugh and act weird?
Just dropped by to wish you a great weekend and a happy Easter. May the light of the Great Spirit shine upon you and your loved ones during this Joyous Season.

Kisses from the indian!

Clarissa said...

And that makes 'yummy mummy' all the more yummy! xx, c

choochoo said...

Tisha - Of course I had to eat them all. Anything else would just have been mean.

Dr. Zombieswan - I hope chocolate is going to rebell soon. Oh, and cheesecake.

Dawn - I'll send you a membership card

Michelle Wun - nice of you to stop by:)

Cochise - As if I need skinny cigarettes in order to act weird

Clarissa - Yummy is always good:)

www.yenjai.net said...

Haha.
You are a great writer ^-^