Monday, April 23, 2007

Why I'm not a superhero

Every once in a while, I can’t for the life of me figure out what to blog about. Most of the time, it’s not something that an internal rant won’t fix –I’m very good at ranting – but, believe it or not, my life isn’t really all that remarkable. As far as lives go, it’s pretty run of the mill. Don’t get me wrong, I’m perfectly fine with that. I never harboured any dreams of being some spandex-wearing, cape-sporting superhero with my underpants on the outside of my outfit and a secret identity. When I take off my glasses, people still recognise me, and that has its advantages.

Really, it’s just as well that I’m not a superhero. First of all, a superhero has to drive a really cool car or plane, or something. I have a bike. Granted, it’s red and shiny with a handy basket, but it’s not quite the same thing, is it? I can’t quite see myself instilling fear into the heart of evil-doers while pedalling down the street on my trusty bicycle, cape flapping in the wind.

Also, superheroes have some sort of secret hideout. I don’t really have one of those, unless you count Hellhole itself.

Another thing that I don’t have to deal with, since I’m not a superhero, is saving the lives of that moron who always gets himself/herself kidnapped and strapped to a rocket aimed at the moon or slowly lowered into a volcano, or something equally ridiculous. I like to think that most, if maybe not all, of my friends have more sense than that.

Maybe it’s the tight material of their oh so clever disguises cutting off blood circulation to their heads that makes the average super more likely to befriend the dumbest, least observant people on earth. I’m not a psychologist or a tailor, so I have no way of knowing.

No, I would much rather be a supervillain. Sure, their dresscode is pretty preposterous, but the good guy bodycondom doesn’t seem to be mandatory. Also, I kinda like the thought of strapping someone stupid to a rocket.

Besides, I have a really fabulous evil laughter that I developed and at the moment I can’t really share it with people without them staring at me funny. When you’re a villain, these things are appreciated and will only increase people’s respect and fear of you.


none said...

You'll have to move to a skull shaped volcano island with a lair carved inside.

Villians are always more interesting in their clothing choices. You will also need a cat or something ;)

Jazz said...

Can I be your evil sidekick in villandom?

Besides, I have a car. Granted it's just a boring Nissan, but if I drive you around in that they'd be even more surprised that you're a super villan.

Oh, and I have at least 2 or 3 people to strap to a rocket. Or dip into a volcano, as you wish.

Demon32 said...

I am with you... super Villain time... I would make everyone watch America's funniest videos non stop if they disobeyed me.

(S)wine said...

most lives are "not remarkable."
but what's gallant about those
who lead those lives
is that they forge on.
that is elegant beauty
in the face of eternity.

furiousBall said...

Super villians get to have a pet too. And they generally have better underpants.

Rain said...

Hmm, I've always thought that female villains are sexy, often misunderstood and need love just like everyone else.

When your supply of rockets comes in, let me know so I can help put someone out of their misery! =)

ticknart said...

Supervillians still need something cool to drive (or fly) around in.

I'd rather be a villian of the crime lord type because you spend a lot less time in jail, or the insane asylum, and a lot more time in limos and eating pasta.

Jocelyn said...

Oh, man, you and Jazz as evil sidekick villains. I love it.

My four-year-old son has decided he's a hero named Treasure Flash; I'm sure you could throw some obstacles in his way. Just no sugar, okay? We're having a cavity problem in our house.

mikster said...

Villains have more fun...or something.

tomshideaway said...

OKay, being a villain is definitely more fun, I mean I've never seen Batman and Robin at the bar, except on Halloween. And I watched the Incredibles, yes I did, but one solid piece of advise is "NO CAPES, they are the downfall of many a superhero and yes the villain.. I took the Super Hero Test..I'm the Green Lantern...That's just Lame, I'm gonna work on my evilness and then I'll RULE HellHole!! MUhahahah

Too_Lively said...

You should doctor your pic to show us what you as a villian would look like.

(Do I sound like a kindergarten teacher giving out assignments? Yeah, I apologize for that.)

tkkerouac said...

We are all pretty ordinary
but its the fun we create that sets us appart.

Hageltoast said...

I think evil genius is right up your street. Just move to a house with good access to lightening for powering evil machinery and genetic experiments.

Evil Spock said...

Wait, am I Megatron to your Starscream, or is it the other way around?

choochoo said...

Hammer - A scull shaped vulcano on an island in the ocean. That would be perfect.

Jazz - why, of course you can

Demon23 - you are indeed a sick bastard. I like that.

Lx - true:)

Furiousball - Yes, and there is the pooch to consider.

Rain - we'll work out lists and stuff.

Ticknart - Pasta... Mmmmmmm.

Jocelyn - Sure. We could maybe strap him to a rocket? Just a little one, of course.

Happily anonymous - and fun is important for ones health. Or something:)

Tom - you have a point there. Wouldn't want to get sucked into a jet engine, or anything

lively - I'll consider it, but the sweet and innocent look might just become an important part of my disguise.

Tkkerouac - Rockets are fun:D

Hageltoast - I would definitly want an island. The vulcano might be negotiable.

Evil spock - we'd have to negotiate, I guess. I'd win, of course.