Thursday, April 12, 2007

A use for an angry wolverine

Over the years, I have come to the conclusion that about 95% of everyone I meet are either completely uninteresting or just plain dumb. Come to think of it, the phrase “dumb” isn’t really accurate. Being stupid is a character trade. And idiot simply can’t help it, and therefore he or she can’t really be held responsible for their idiocy. I suppose you’d have to blame the parents, or something. Ignorant is a much better word.

I count the people wise enough to read this blog among the upper 5%, of course.

With those who are just uninteresting, there’s no major problem. All I have to do is ignore them until they go away. The ones that are dumb/ignorant, however, aren’t that simple. They don’t have the intellectual insight to go away. Not only that, they insist on giving you their shockingly uninformed opinions on every little thing, regardless of whether you want them or not. Most of these belief they probably just invented themselves, most likely just after waking from a nap before their brains were fully conscious of what was going on. But the issue of whether or not such a person’s brain is ever fully conscious, is another matter.

Sometimes I come up with ways to hurt them. I have previously fantasized about probing them with sharp sticks. Then I advanced to burning sharp sticks.

My resent idea, however, is my all time favourite: live wolverines.
How cool wouldn’t it be if you could find a way to smack such a person with one of those? The only problem is, that picking a wolverine up by its tail and flinging it at people, might be somewhat tricky. There’s the whole issue of getting your head bitten off.

The seemingly best solution would then be to throw it at them from somewhere above. However, I don’t want to be too high up so that I’ll miss the sights and sounds of my little experiment. Perhaps a small crane or a fire truck would be best.

I’ll give it some more thought and get back to you.


furiousBall said...

This is one of those things like "one out of every three people is a slut and if you have two friends that aren't, it means it's you."

Right now I'm trying to think of all my dumb people. uh oh, better stock up on wolverine repellent...or invent that first.

Jazz said...

I'm sure we have plenty of wolverines here I can loan you... Once you've worked out the kinks, let me know so I can borrow your solution.

ticknart said...

The problem with wolverines is that they climb. They climb and they can spray like a skunk. So, you can bet that after it's done with the stupid person, it'll be coming after you for being stupid enough for throwing it. Personally, I'd like to go with throwing porcupines because they're not big on the whole revenge thing.

Sornie said...

I always thought that 7 out of every 10 people were stupid but that fact is based on people who believed a connection between Iraq and the 9/11 attacks and I hate bringing up something that old but those seven people need to be re-educated.

Anonymous said...

I've always like saying in a murderous tone "Take him to the PIT!! What about a pit full of angry wolverines....YEAH Buaaaahhaaahhaaa

Evil Spock said...

Two words, five syllables:

Wolverine Cannon

Big Brother said...

Your so right... my son has a T-Shirt with the following slogan: "God must really love stupid people since he made so many of you." I sometimes feel like wearing it to school especially to ped-day meetings. Do you think there would be a way to smuggle a wolverine into school in a school bag? ;o)

mist1 said...

What the hell is a wolverine? Is it like a big ferret?

I like ferrets. Except, they smell bad.

Hageltoast said...

I like the wolverine cannon idea, but if there are handling issues how about just firing a really pissed off possum!

Tisha! said...

I would like to see a demo :)

Mr. Fabulous said...

And now I picture you at the head of a wolverine army, roaming from town to town, righting wrongs and kicking ass...

tomshideaway said...

2 words,,,Wolverine Catapault

choochoo said...

Furiousball - naah, I won't throw wolverines at you

Jazz - great! Don't forget to make breathing holes on the boxes.

Ticknart - hmm... Maybe some sort of slippery crane...

Sornie - I'll send you a couple of the wolverines I'll get from Jazz

Tom - I want a pit!

Spock - Oooooooh *wide eyed*

Big brother - Maybe. You could sedate it and then just stick it in a locker, or something

Mist1 - a wolverine is waaay cooler (and smellier) than a ferret

Toasty - maybe I could use a pissed off possum as some sort of diversion before I fire the wolverine

Tisha - I would post the video(s) right here on this blog, of course. Share the joy, that's what I always say.

Fab - that would be cool. I could wear a cape.

Tom - that would be good, too. I could use the catapults for more silent attacs. Just a quick swoosh and a shriek.