Thursday, March 20, 2008

Pooch becomes the victim of a bath

Most people carry around an internal to-do list. I do, as well. It’s always got stuff on it like going the dishes and dusting and vacuuming and all those domestic things that make me angry and impossible to be around. That’s why I find it best to put these things off. But I digress.

There are certain to-do things that gradually sneak up on you, until they become inevitable truths. That happened to me last week.

Pooch needed a bath.

There are several problems that occur when I try to bathe Pooch, all of which stem from the fact that Pooch hates bathing. Pooch won’t even go outside when it rains. But I’d much rather have a wet’n whiny dog than a stinky sticky dog, so the job had to be done. I didn’t have much trouble tricking her into the bathroom. A little bit of sausage was all that it took. ‘Course once I closed the door behind us, Doggie Doodle started getting suspicious.

I turned the shower on.

Pooch hid in the corner and did her best impression of laundry.

I wasn’t tricked by her sneaky disguise, got her out of there and into the shower, accompanied by loud objections from my bath-victim. Earlier that day, I’d been to the pet shop to buy her a shampoo which I had snuck into the bathroom cupboard when Wonderpooch wasn’t looking. Doggie can tell pet shampoo from any other bottle of product. That is her superpower. And once the identification has been made, you’ll never get her out from underneath the sofa.

This whole thing was carefully planned in advance, you see. You can’t just spring this kinda thing on Pooch without planning it out first. If I did that, I would be the Ed D. Wood of animal trainers.

“For removal of coat build-up,” said the label on my chosen shampoo bottle. Boy o boy does Poochiebaby have coat build-up. And you know it’s gonna fall off eventually, giving room to new coat build-up, in what seems like an endless cycle of fur. In fact, Doggie Woggie’s got so much coat build-up, sometimes when I wake up in the morning it’s as if she’s given birth to puppies during the night. I was so focused on the labels intriguing message, I didn’t even notice the fact that it was bright red and strawberry scented. Hell, not even strawberries are as strawberry scented as Pooch’s new shampoo.

That whole day I didn’t need eyesight to tell Doggie’s whereabouts, I could just sniff around for the smell of strawberries.

Now I not a bit more about what it must be like to be a dog.


The Ferryman said...

Oh man, I want to smell like strawberries! Will you bath *me*?

ticknart said...

That is a lot of coat build-up, if the leavings are the size of puppies. Seems like the pooch could have used a bath days, if not weeks ago.

Hageltoast said...

poor pooch, you are an evil pooch owner inflicting horrid strawberry baths on a defenceless creature. Wanna bath my in laws dog? She smells like herring.

tomshideaway said...

Strawberry fields forever.

can you tell I'm singing?? Pretty good eh??

Jocelyn said...

You know what's really good?

Strawberries--and dogs--dipped in chocolate.

Nicki said...

My ferret's shampoo was coconut scented. It actually made him smell good - not like coconuts, but not like ferrets, either.

Jazz said...

I can't help but wonder if you had to go into the shower with her.

Nicki said...

Good lord. What the hell. Woman, write a friggin blog, will ya?!?!!

choochoo said...

mr fabulous - I will certainly lend you the shampoo, if you'd like.

Ticknart - I think it's just about time for another one, actually...

Toasty - herring... I'm sure there's a shampoo out there that smells like herring, as well.

Tom - oh yes. Lovely. Idol, here you come.

Jocelyn - you might wanna shave'em first...

Freak magnet - the combo of wet dog and strawberries were... different... *cough*

Jazz - since my shower is -in- the room, one might say that I'm always in the shower whenever I'm in the bathroom. And if there's someone else in there, were all in the shower together.

Freak magnet - ALL RIGHT, ALREADY.