Thursday, February 26, 2009

Curse of the plastic bags. Or whatever.

Today I had an adventure. Grocery shopping does qualify as an adventure when judged by The Hellholian Scale of Excitement. Besides, when you’re living with Pooch, who has a habit of licking things that should not be licked and developing farts that smell just like the circus, a change of air might not be such a bad idea.

There I was, puttering around between the isles, my little, blue plastic shopping basket in one hand and my shopping list in the other. Ten minutes later, I had worked up quite an impressive selection of items, some of which I needed but most of which I simply wanted. And deserved, dammit.

“Would you like a bag?” the cashiere with the dead eyes asked me, after she’d finished the laborious task of ringing up all my groceries.

“No, hidden inside the dark bowels of my coat, I have more arms than an army of octopuses and would have no problem carrying a million things home,” I thought. I didn’t say that, of course, because I am a polite and civilized sort of person. In stead I simply smiled and said “yes, please.”

So the woman yanked out a plastic bag from underneath the registery, where it lived with its family and friends inside a little cardboard box, dumped it on top of my small mountain of groceries and then she quickly got up and disappeared through the plastic doors in the back of the store, labelled “staff only!!!”

That’s right: three exclamation marks.

I’m not entirely sure what sort of math went on inside her head to make her think that said mountain was going to fit inside a single plastic bag. It is, after all, exactly as big on the inside as it appears to be from the outside. It’s a typical, run-of-the-mill plastic bag – not the bloody starship Enterprise.

The thing is, they always give you one -1- plastic bag, regardless of how much crap you’re hauling with you. If you want more, you have to specifically ask and carefully outline how many you think you’ll need. I momentarily forgot this, and ended up standing there with 80 bucks worth of groceries, a tiny plastic bag and the distinct feeling of just having screwed myself over.   

I bet they all just sit in their little staff-only area, stuffing their faces with chips and watching the little surveillance screens to see how the customers try to work out this little equation. Well, I wasn’t going to be their lunch entertainment. I stole a plastic bag, I did. Hell, I stole TWO.

Thus my life of crime has started. You gonna do something about it, mate? I have a pooch with flatulence and I’m not afraid to use it.



Jazz said...

Around here most people bring their own bags bacause 1) its so much more ecological and 2) that way they can't laugh at you while stuffing their stupid faces with potato chips.

Adele said...

At this end they either charge you a penny per bag, or the y sit with them all on their laps and dole them out one at a time as it becomes necessary. I find myself repeating "could i get a couple more bags".
Thing is I use them, if I don;t get bags for my shopping I end up buying teeny tiny poop bags at 50 for 50p which guess what, is the same as getting 50 of the big ones that take a whole litter tray. Oh yeah, they are sooo saving the planet. *rolling eyes*

Adele said...

Also (I know I know, get over it) I don't care if they laugh at me through their potato chips because hey, I don't have to be the dead eyed girl running check out at the supermarket! (no offense to said dead eyes, but I would rather shovel poo for a living, yeah, really)

choochoo said...

Toasty - they already charge for the bag, the fidjits. And I soo agree with you. I'd take poo shoveling any day of the week.

choochoo said...

jazz - (sorry, didn't see you there:P ) but I need the plastic bags to use as trash bags, see?

Anonymous said...

They charge us for plastic bags too. 0.19 KNR/KOR (oh yeah baby!).

Added to this - they recently built a HUGE sodding plastic-bag-dinosaur, and have taken to posting signage around it saying (i kid you not): 'lets make the plastic bag extinct...'

Great idea fellas. *sigh*

Jazz said...

We only have one store here (the liquor store) that no longer gives out plastic - or any bags. None. They no longer have them.

Others haven't started to charge yet, but it's really coming - though like I said, lots of people bring their own bags now.

But cashiers still have dead eyes. God, what a hideous job.

choochoo said...

joe - just brilliant:D

Jazz - the liquor store doesn't hand out bags? Then how will you ever get the bottle-in-paper-bag effect that you see in the movies?

tomshideaway said...

You just killed another plastic tree!! A thief and murderer!! Cool

Jocelyn said...

I was pretty much going to recap everything you and Jazz have already played out here, so I'll just smile and nod and, um, well, er, let's see...oh yes! How about this? If you composted everything, you'd have very little trash and therefore not need the plastic bags for your garbage cans?

choochoo said...

Tom - damn straight! It had it coming!

Jocelyn - I do compost everything I can. Or, as I like to call it, feeding it to pooch.