Pages

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Another funny

I heard a story a while back and thought it was funny, mostly because I’m a morbid sort of a person. You might have heard it, but…oh well. I’m going to tell it anyway because my tummy hurts today. Every now and then whatever evil, little genie I accidentally swallowed recently gives my innards (Can you have innards if you’re not a pirate?) a good SQUEEEEZE.

You see, there was this woman who came back from work early one day only to find her beloved hubby serving the woman from next door, if you know what I mean.

SQUEEEEZE.

The other woman jumped out the window and ran home, stark nekked and probably showing the other neighbours a whole new side of herself that they’d never seen before.

The wife was furious and her rage gave her almost superhuman strength. She grabbed her husband and pulled him with her out into the shed, which was home to tons of tools and a very large toolbench, fully equipped with one of those what-you-might-call’em screw-thingies where you fasten pieces of wood or whatnot to work on them (we had those in school, and I hated them. I somehow managed to spend the entire year pretending to make a candy box when I really wasn’t doing anything at all). The wife now fastened a whole other kinda wood in there, if you know what I mean. And then she removed the handle, so that he wouldn’t be able to get free.

SQUEEEEZE.

Then she got a saw down from a nail on the wall.

“Jesus, you’re not gonna cut my dick off, are you?” said the husband.

“No, of course not,” said the wife and handed him the saw. “I’m going to burn this shed down. Then you can do whatever you consider necessary.”

Hehehe.





SQUEEEEZE.

14 comments:

Evil Spock said...

Its like Saw, but with nekked chicks!

Hageltoast said...

lol, you are twisted.

Sornie said...

A C-Clamp is the last thing I would want on my man-plumbing.

furiousBall said...

not funny

tom said...

Those screw thingies are bench mounted clamps or vices. It's a strange word because Vice is also defined as: a practice or habit that is considered immoral, depraved, and/or degrading, ie: the husbands intimate workouts with the next door neighbor.I would say we could put the wife on the Vice Squad..

Too_Lively said...

Oh, that was bad! But very funny.

Hammer said...

I think I saw that on you tube ;)

Jazz said...

C'mon Furiousball, that was hysterically funny. SQUEEEEEEZE

jillie said...

Ohhhh...caught in a vice...that's sadistic...BUT funny!

Jocelyn said...

Your ailing innards are responsible for some skewed humor, woman.

My one question is this: will she need the saw to start the fire?

Just askin'.

Big Brother said...

One word, OUCH!

`NEFTY said...

I don't get it=/

choochoo said...

Evil Spock - uhm... Yeah, sure:)

Toasty - and proud of it

Sornie - I'll have to get you something else for christmas, then

Furiousball - FUNNY:P

Tom - criminals would run from her everywhere. Hell, I'd run and I've done nothing wrong. Ever.

Lively - my thoughts exactly

Hammer - Cool!

Jazz - hehehehehehehehe

Jillie - it should have it's very own theme song

Jocelyn - sure, we'll blame it on the ailings.

Big brother - I think that's what he said.

Nefty - I'm sure we could work out a demonstration. Any volunters?

Freak Magnet said...

I have a friend who knew a woman who sewed the sheets to the mattress while her husband was sleeping, and then took a frying pan to him.

Niiiiice.