I heard a story a while back and thought it was funny, mostly because I’m a morbid sort of a person. You might have heard it, but…oh well. I’m going to tell it anyway because my tummy hurts today. Every now and then whatever evil, little genie I accidentally swallowed recently gives my innards (Can you have innards if you’re not a pirate?) a good SQUEEEEZE.
You see, there was this woman who came back from work early one day only to find her beloved hubby serving the woman from next door, if you know what I mean.
The other woman jumped out the window and ran home, stark nekked and probably showing the other neighbours a whole new side of herself that they’d never seen before.
The wife was furious and her rage gave her almost superhuman strength. She grabbed her husband and pulled him with her out into the shed, which was home to tons of tools and a very large toolbench, fully equipped with one of those what-you-might-call’em screw-thingies where you fasten pieces of wood or whatnot to work on them (we had those in school, and I hated them. I somehow managed to spend the entire year pretending to make a candy box when I really wasn’t doing anything at all). The wife now fastened a whole other kinda wood in there, if you know what I mean. And then she removed the handle, so that he wouldn’t be able to get free.
Then she got a saw down from a nail on the wall.
“Jesus, you’re not gonna cut my dick off, are you?” said the husband.
“No, of course not,” said the wife and handed him the saw. “I’m going to burn this shed down. Then you can do whatever you consider necessary.”