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Saturday, February 02, 2008

Meet Dr. Smiley!

Years and years ago, I went to see a doctor. I can’t really remember why, just that I wasn’t feeling well and the visit to the local clinic was my mother’s idea.

The doctor was a young woman, very smiley, with big, curly hair. I sat in a blue chair with brown stains, prepared for the usual how-are-we-feeling-today-questions, which seems to be the first thin they teach you in medical school. The question was delivered and I went on to list my symptoms - whatever the were - like a good little patient, while I tried no to wonder whether or not those brown stains were left behind by other good, little patients.

Dr. Giggles smile didn’t fade for a second. Every so often she would nod her head and the curls would hop up and down around her face, trying to poke her eyes out.

“So what do you think is wrong with you?” asked Smiley.

That threw me for a bit of a loop. Granted, I did walk past one of those medical schools places once, but I don’t really think that qualifies me for giving diagnoses. Not even to myself. Had I by accident (or divine intervention) wandered into a psychiatrist’s office?

“Uhm… Aren’t you supposed to figure that out?” I asked.

“Usually patients have a great feel for these things.”

I thought to myself that Dr. Smiley had clearly never met my great aunt, who was convinced she had cancer every time she stubbed her toe, and who eventually died of a stroke (possibly brought on by all the worrying about cancer). Neither had Old Man Henry, who was convinced that his haemorrhoids were caused by alien probes, crossed the threshold into her office. But I didn’t say any of these things.

“Could it be… the flu?” I suggested.

“Sounds okay,” said Giggles, and gave me a prescription for something to bring down my temperature, which she’d never checked.

It’s a good thing I didn’t mention cancer. My great aunt sure would have.



By the way, I won an award, and now I'm going to spread the joy - and the award - to some deserving people. It's that big E up in the corner, there. I'm pointing right at it. I'm supposed to name ten nominees, but it seems most people that I stalk online already have one. Although that doesn't make ME any less special.

And the award goes to.......*drumroll*

SWINE http://swine.wordpress.com/
JAY http://saintvodkaofthemartini.blogspot.com/
Miss Doxie http://www.missdoxie.com/
TOM http://tomshideaway.blogspot.com/
TICKNART http://ticknart.blogspot.com/index.html

11 comments:

Big Brother said...

Frightening... self diagnosis... a company wants to do that in Québec for 50$ a pop. You subscribe to their online service, and when you are not feeling well a doctor will diagnose the symptoms you give him without his ever being there..

swine said...

thanks.

TOM said...

Poor old Henry, no one ever believed him !! Let me tell you, those alien probes can really cause some irritation...in fact any kind of probe that gets close to "that" area causes irritation!!

Thanks for the Award

Hammer said...

Dang I wish I had a doctor like that. I could tell him I was fine and he would leave me alone :)

ticknart said...

Thanks for the award, now what does it mean?

Dizzy Dee said...

ROFL... I guess she tried out the 'different approach'.

Not that I think that's necessarily good. I have had some of the greatest doters (in my opinion). Whenever I get really sick, they give me enough drugs to make the pain go away. Now THAT's what doctors are for! :P

Sornie said...

That doctor's practice seems a bit odd. I am supposed to feel uncomfortable at the doc's office but playing "guess the illness" goes beyond uncomfortable. What if I was wrong?

Freak Magnet said...

What about me? {:-(

Fine. Be that way.

I love it when you DO know what's wrong with you and the doctor DOESN'T listen. That's usually when I find a new doctor.

Evil Spock said...

Evil Spock feels like Evil Spock is coming down with necrotizing fascititis. Or perhaps its just a tummy ache.

Jocelyn said...

I think you're getting funnier and funnier. This doc story cracked me up.

choochoo said...

Big brother - I found a program like that online (only it was free) one day when I was bored and had a headache. They figured I had epilepsy. Idjits.

Swine - why, you're very welcome.

Tom - unless you like that kinda stuff, of course.

Hammer - wonder what happened to Smiley...

Ticknart - it means that the snake bites itself in the rear end. I dunno.

Dizzy dee - drugs are always good. And candy. Drugs'n candy. Not that would make a fine store.

Sornie - then you might be in for an interesting (?) experience...

Freak magnet - doctors are mostly asshats, I think.

Evil Spock - sounds like an anurism to me.

Jocelyn - One word: chemistry lab. Another word: fumes.