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Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Circus farts, q-tips and pig-bottoms

After eight years of semi-anorexia, Pooch suddenly got it into her head a couple of weeks ago, that it was time to start eating like a normal dog. One of those normal dogs that not only eat their regular dog food, but also scoffs down garbage wherever she can find it. Combined inside her belly, all these elements starts to produce impressive amounts of gas. However much Pooch might eat like a normal dog, she sure doesn’t fart like one. Pooch’s farts smell like the circus, bringing back memories of popcorn, pink sugar floss and elephants.

Pooch isn’t shy about where she releases her airy creations, either, as I discovered the last time I had people over. There we were, eating muffins, drinking coffee and having very intelligent conversation, when the smell of clowns chasing each other across a floor of sawdust suddenly filled the room.

Pooch lifted her head off the floor, sniffed twice before she got up and left. Luckily, it’s summertime, so we could just open up all the windows.

Speaking of summer. I think perhaps I’m on my summer vacation. I could be wrong. The professor in charge of the project I’m on, is away this week. When he gets back, he might just pile more work on me. The last time he got a hold of me, it ended up with me having to insert huge q-tips up the bums of very large, very uncooperative pigs. As in pork. I didn’t just go down to the bar one night. Mr Professor said I had to practice, cause I’m being shipped off to Lithuania in the fall for a research trip to do the same thing to wild boars. Only they’ll be dead. You should never sneak up on a wild boar and shove a cotton stick up its ass. That would be stupid.

And finally, to celebrate my triumphant return to blogging:

11 comments:

Jazz said...

Thank you for sharing - I think.

And the teletubbies? Shudder....

choochoo said...

sexy, sexy teletubbise. LOL

ticknart said...

I was always partial to Noo-Noo, myself.

Big Brother said...

Teletubbies, dog farts and sticking big Q-tips up pig's arses... interesting life you live in hellhole. ;o)

TOM said...

I'll take Dog farts over Teletubbies any day!!

Welcome back(-:

choochoo said...

Ticknart - who isn't?

Big brother - I know. Just imagine how fascinating I'd be if I lived in a big city.

Tom - How about teletubbie farts? And thanks.

Jocelyn said...

OMG, you're making me laugh. My five-year-old just looked over my shoulder and yelled, "That's so funny those Teletubbies." I'll have you know he was 3 before he knew they existed, but then we were at a public office one day, and the tv in the corner was broadcasting those damn puffy creatures, and it's been a downhill since then.

Okay, and you're REALLY funny in this post.

choochoo said...

Jocelyn - I didn't know what teletubbies were until I was 18, so I got your kid beat.

Lee said...

My wife just bout a cat that seems to have the same problem as your dog. Although I have never been to a curcus so I'm not sure if its gas smells like clowns and saw dust.
Nice post.

Hageltoast said...

Well, that's one way to pass an evening. :)
As for wind... your dog, my future husband.

choochoo said...

Lee - thank you

Toasty - they should get together. Or maybe not...