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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Food Fail!


Last night, I decided to make a low-carb pizza. Why would you do a silly thing like that, you ask. Mister Choochoo and I try to follow a low carb, high fat diet. For the most part, it's gone really well and I'm pretty happy with all my new energy and my stomach no longer going I'm-going-to-make-you-scream-like-a-little-b***h psycho on me.

However, for some things you need flour, dammit! Like if you're making pizza. For my low-carb version of a pizza "dough", the recipe called for a whole lot of eggs (3), cottage cheese (1 cup) and grated cheese (1 cup). Then you had to mix cottage cheese with egg yolks and beat the egg whites until they turned stiff and fluffy. This was to be gently mixed in with the cottage cheese mess, making sure to not kill the fluffiness of it all. The goo I had now made, was going to become the pizza bread.

Yeah, right!

I poured/smeared it into a wide pan and stuck it in the stove to cook for 15-20 minutes at low heat. It looked like a very large egg-white omelette. Why? Because it basically WAS a very large egg-white omelette. Should any form of omelette at any point be a part of a pizza recipe? No, it should not! To my surprise, it didn't taste much like eggs and I'm sure it would make a pretty cool breakfast thing of some sort. But as pizza bread...not so much.

You couldn't slice the thing properly to save your life. The poor "pizza" ended up on the plates in an unsightly heap after having been shovelled up there with a large spoon. I thought about taking a picture, but it was just to horrible to look at. Afterwards I spent the entire night dreaming that I was pregnant.

I am never, ever making this again. Ever.

2 comments:

haphazardlife said...

Adventures in low carb cooking...

Some things are just NOT meant to be low carb. Next time, please share a pic. That way I can mock you.

Jocelyn said...

I'm with Jazz. We're going to need more ammunition for the mockery.