Ho, ho, frikkin ho!

’Tis the season to be… well… running around like a frenzied chicken while you try to figure out who you still need to buy presents for and what the hell you should get those people. Not to mention wrapping the things and shipping them off while there’s still a snowballs chance in hell that they’ll get to where they’re going in time. I think that date passed sometime last week.

All this you have to do accompanied by the sound of cheery Christmas music and cheery Christmas lights and santas of all shapes and sizes yelling “ho, ho, ho” at you. This is the only time of the year when a man can get away with shouting that after a gal without getting pummelled by either her handbag or her boyfriend. You also have to tolerate the presence of screaming two-year, who are all out in force during the holiday season.

There was an interview in the paper the other day with a reverend something-or-other who was upset that the purpose of Christmas had gotten lost somewhere along the way. Most likely, somewhere along the way to the mall. Santa, he said, was clearly a false idol and he wanted everyone to explain to their children that Santa was a false god who made people sick and broke apart happy homes. That’s what he taught his own children when they were growing up.

I’m sure his kids could throw a tantrum to dwarf all other tantrums in the history of tantrums, both past and future, whenever you took them to the mall with all its Christmassy decorations. A few years back, my mum decided she was a lesbian and so my parents got divorced. We had several cardboard boxes of decorations.

Anyways, I’m going away. See you all next year.

Oh, I almost forgot. I’ve been tagged. I now have to pick up the book I’m currently reading, go to page 56 and jot down the fifth line. Iiiits… *drumroll*… “It wasn’t nearly as easy to dance with Charlie.”

Fascinating.

shiiiny! oh, so shiiiny!

I like lipgloss. I have a lot of the stuff. But the latest in lipgloss technology isn't just to make you look shiny, but to also make your lips tingle and swell. Just last night, I saw an advert for it in a magazine. "Look great for your date!!!!!" it said, with lots and lots of exclamation marks.

It does kinda make me wonder, though… Say that you put this tingly stuff on, and go on a date. And say that the date turns out really, really well. In fact, let’s say that it turns out so well, that it ends with a big, sloppy good night kiss. Will his lips tingle and swell? Won’t he find this a bit odd? “Could it be an allergic reaction to the dinner? Should I go to the emergency room?” he might ask himself. Or maybe he’ll think that he caught some scary disease from you. I don’t think there are many ways to explain to a guy that you’re wearing special lipgloss to make your lips larger, without sounding like an insecure knob.

Now, let’s say that you’ve already thought of all this, but decide to use the magic gloss on your date anyway. You want big, puffy lips, after all, just like Angelina Jolie. You start your date, all tingly and swollen, but at some point towards the end, you go into the bathroom, wipe it off, and put on regular gloss instead. If you come out of the bathroom with thinner lips than when you went in, won’t he ask himself what the hell you were doing in there? Or maybe it takes a little while before the swelling goes down. I wonder if a man would find it a bit conspicuous if his date’s lips inflated and deflated right in front of his very eyes. He just might.

All in all, there are probably better ways of getting attention.