Monday, May 21, 2007

Meet Mr. Green!

For those of you who have been paying attention, you might recall that last year I mentioned that my lawn mower was the devil. Whenever you turned it on, thick clouds of smoke would well from it, oil would spatter everywhere and it would make a sound like a hundred mice being slowly squeezed to death. For this reason, I was now ready to mow my lawn for the first time this season with a brand new, hopefully non-demonic, and very orange mower, which I decided to name Mr. Green.

So there I was, in the middle of my garden with Mr. Green, surrounded by far too tall grass. I pulled the starter-thingy and the engine roared to life. Or…well…“roared” might be an overstatement, it was more like an enthusiastic fart. Still, it was a nice change from the usual 20min battle it had been with the old devil spawn.

Thus far everything was terrific, but there was one itty, bitty little detail for which I was completely unprepared – the back wheels that moved all by themselves.

So the engine came to life with a loud fart and all of a sudden, Mr. Green blasted forwards, clumps of grass flying in all directions. I hung on for dear life, while the little voice in my head (Toots) yelled “GHOST! It’s a GHOST!”

Luckily the rational part of my brain, which is called Bergerac, decided to join us. “Perhaps you should let go of the handle,” it suggested. I did, and the mower's enraged attack of the garden seized immediately.

Now I have a freshly mowed lawn, although it is a bit funny looking, seeing how I haven’t quite worked out the aim just yet.

In further news, I had an exam on Friday. There are two things in this world that make me incredibly grumpy, if not straight out malevolent, and those two things are 1) gardening and 2) exams. This means that this past weekend I was so grouchy, I just wanted to rip someone’s head off and then make my way through town and beat people to death with it.

I didn’t, though… I wasn’t me, and you can’t prove it.


furiousBall said... when you say Meet Mr. Green, my mind instantly goes back to my early twenties when I spent a lot of time playing video games and Mr. Green was some dude with a bag of something other than lawn clippings...that was green

ticknart said...

At least you know how to work a lawn mower. I don't. I haven't lived in a house with a lawn since I was 4.

Sornie said...

Sounds reminiscent of my lawn mower. It will only run without the air cleaner which will probably ruin the engine rather quickly but it was only $134.99 + tax so that makes it almost disposable in the times we live in.

`NEFTY said...

I always rip people's heads off when I'm mad >:]]

none said...

Self propelled mowers are the best.

I'll never go back.

Deepak Gopi said...

Exams I always hate them.
to read a book and remember the things in them is easy but to study for exams is difficult

Hageltoast said...

i blew a lawn mower up once. It wnt bang, and fizzle and smoked. Very cool.

Anonymous said...

Sounded like an "enthusiastic fart" that's a metaphor to remember!! Hope the test went well, I don't like to see you grumpy!!

Jazz said...

I ran a lawn mower over my foot once. It sorta growled as it ate my sneaker and part of my toe.

I will never go back to having a lawn.

Too_Lively said...

I was going to say something, but then I read Jazz's comment and freaked out. Poor Jazz! Damn!

Big Brother said...

I hate mowing the lawn, so I get someone else to do it. I sit back with a cold beer and enjoy. It's always more fun to watch others working. As for Jazz, her story is true, she always was a clutz with anything mechanical. ;o)

choochoo said...

Furiousball - I don't think it's the same mr. green

Ticknart - you're not missing that much, really

Sornie - they're all evil, deep down.

nefty - it's a very normal response to irritation, really.

Hammer - I'm not to crazy about pushing the lazy bastards around either.

Deepak gopi - True. Very, very true.

Toasty - you can blow up my old one, if you wanna

Tom - nobody likes to see me grumpy. I get so.. well... grumpy.

Jazz - how the hell is that possible???

Lively - indeed...

Big brother - any chance you can get'em to do mine?