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Monday, April 25, 2011

Attack of the Bumblebees

That whole weeding impulse that I mentioned before, has gone down quite a bit. Now it's more of a guilty murmur sort of thing. I am officially procrastinating on the whole gardening thing.

And I ROCK at procrastination!

I can doze in bed until noon and still not have begun to procrastinate. I'm also really good at digressing. You could ask me a question and I can talk for an hour without actually answering it. I would be great in politics, if not for the fact that I hate to wear pantihose.

Who invented those things, anyway? The pantihose, I mean. They're horrible. No matter how much you wear them, you never get used to having them on. At least I don't. I always walk away with slight claustrophobia and a new-found sympathy for sausages.

That was first class digression, right there.

This post is really about bumblebees. You didn't see that coming, did you? It really is too bad I don't like wearing pantihose. These days we have truckloads of bumblebees buzzing around in our garden. I use them as an excuse not to do too much gardening all at once. Cause dammit, these guys are HUGE! They're not guys at all, actually. They're queens. Hence the hugeness. They're flying around, looking for little holes in walls where they can set up shop. Apparently they like to live in holes in brick houses. They hibernate in the ground during the winter, and as soon as they're all warm and toast in springtime, they start looking for a place to live.

Earlier today, I was standing in the open veranda door, looking out at the garden while doing my usual procrastination routine, when a bumblebee the size of a bloody ping-pong ball came flying towards me. It was big enough for me to give it a good kick without having to do much aiming. It went "pfbzzzzzzz!" and decided to take it's royal business elsewhere. Which is a good thing, because I'm pretty sure it could have taken me in a fight...



7 comments:

haphazardlife said...

Wearing pantyhose is like being sheathed in a condom from your waist to your toes.

And that's all I have to say about that.

- Jazz

choochoo said...

well said

tattytiara said...

Oh pantyhose. Oh shudder. Feet and crotches are like produce and cleaning fluid - meant to be bagged separately.

cbeck said...

>> "A new-found sympathy for sausages"

That is classic gold! I've never understood the fondness some guys have for gals wearing pantyhose. I assume they just go for anything that has the word "panty" in it. Me? I prefer all hoses to stay in the garden, turned on, with a sprayer on the end - ready to give it full blast to any bumblebee that cares to look my way...

mrwriteon said...

I like bumblebees in their fuzzy striped jammies. Pantihose, not at all. Of course, I still long for the return of old-fashioned hosiery like the old fetishist I am.

choochoo said...

Absolutely agree with you all. Pantihose are evil. Evil, evil, evil. In some ways, the guy who invented them was every bit as bad as Osama.

secret agent woman said...

I think it's quite acceptable to go without hose these days. What's wrong with bare legs?