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Monday, October 16, 2006

Good morning, Hellhole!

Whenever I have morning classes, I have to get up at six am if I'm going to have enough time for all the crap that people do in the mornings (this includes standing in the middle of the bathroom whilst staring straight ahead and trying to remember what you’re doing there, a process that takes about ten minutes) and make the morning bus.

Morning crap includes bathroom activities, such as my zombie moment, getting the dog to go out and do her business, having breakfast and packing my handbag. The first problem is the dog. She’s definitely not a morning… uhm… person. As soon as she sees me getting out of bed, she clenches her eyes shut and doesn’t want to get up at all. I read somewhere that dogs don’t know how to pretend. The hell they don’t. They just don’t have the intelligence to do it well. I, of course, see right through her clever sleeping-disguise, and make her come downstairs with me. At this point, she’s actually quite eager, rushing down the stairs like a white, furry bullet. There’s a large chest in the hallway, and between it and the stairs there’s a rug. The dog lands with all four paws on the rug, causing it to slide across the floor. She manages to turn sideways while sailing on the rug, and slams her side into the chest, which then always makes a small jump towards the right, in order to stop. Then she does the bullet-impression again, heading straight for the couch (her second favourite sleeping spot in the house). This is where I intersect her and force her to go outside. Once she’s actually outside, she’s probably got the slowest bladder of any dog in existence. I swear that she sniffs every single damn grass in order to find the perfect one to pee on. And before she gets that far, she has a zombie moment of her very own, which is almost as long as mine.

Breakfast is also a bit tricky. I usually get around to that at about 7:45. The thing is that my stomach doesn’t actually wake up until around ten. It’s very hard to get an unconscious stomach to digest food, but I can usually force down a sandwich. Being a mature adult, I always watch the cartoons and drink a large glass of milk while I'm eating.

And today I have to do all of that, despite of the fact that it’s my day off. All because there was a problem with the computers at the college on Friday, so I couldn't get my term paper printed. Again.

*Insert sigh here*

9 comments:

Jazz said...

Damn! Are we clones?

choochoo said...

us or you and my dog?

Jocelyn said...

Your dog is the trickster, for sure. Maybe you could just pee outside, too, at the same time, and save a few precious minutes?

Jazz said...

I'm not quite sure about that yet... Probly me and the dog...

Tim Rice said...

Your initial morning moments sound a lot like me except I'm sitting on my throne. :) Sometimes I'm there for ten minutes or longer for no other reason than my brain still hasn't woken up.

Your dog sounds like fun even if she isn't a morning person. She knows what's important about life. ;)

But I'm not like you about breakfast. By then, I'm hungry and must have my large bowl of cold cereal and milk with a banana and raisins and of course a class of orange juice. I love breakfast; just to lazy to make anything warm like scrambled eggs or a cheese omelot.

But now I gotta stop before I write a book.

choochoo said...

Jocelyn - uhm... I tried peeing outside (although that was in the woods) once when I was out with the dog. It fascinated her. And then she looked like Benny Hill. Which made peeing very hard...

Jazz - as long as I don't have to walk or feed you, I'm happy:P

Tim Rice - I could never handle anything fried for breakfast. Something about the smell of food frying, makes my stomach turn wether it's awake or not:S

Tim Rice said...

Choochoo, I don't know whether it would make any difference or not. But if you use a teflon pan, one doesn't need to use butter or oil to make scrambled eggs. But I've also heard that teflon pans may be hazardous to one's health. So that may be no good either.

I love fried foods; but don't make them too often.

Modern Viking said...

I'm exactly the same. If I have to be somewhere in the morning, I need to wake up 3 hours before that. Although, the first hour is spent lying in bed listening to the radio, trying not to fall asleep again.

choochoo said...

Tim - teflon is only bed for your health if you heat it up to extreme temperatures. It's not something an oven can do, so I wouldn't worry about it:)

Viking - I need two hours, or at least one and a half. If I stay in bed, I fall asleep again. That's pretty much a guarantee.