Friday, November 03, 2006

Reinventing celebrity

Hollywood is a weird place. It’s even weirder than Hellhole, although not by much. They say that there aren’t true stars anymore. Not like in the old days, with Marilyn Monroe and Cary Grant. Those who are famous today, have been predicted to disappear from our memories in not very long, only to be replaced by someone prettier and skinnier, who will, in turn, be replaced by someone even more so, and so on and so forth.

But who is to say that our heroes of today will be gone tomorrow? I’ve been thinking about this lately, and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s probably not true. After all, the average Hollywood megastar has had so much work done, the largest organ in their bodies is… well… plastic.

And what happens to plastic once it’s no longer useful for its current purpose? It’s recycled, that’s what happens. They melt it down and turn it into buttons or soda bottles or fleece jackets or those block-things that you build basements with.

A few years from now, you might be able to keep your shirt closed, and thereby your dignity intact, thanks to whatever part of Michael Jackson’s nose that didn’t rot off. Or how about taking a sip of Cola from what used to be bits and pieces of Pamela Anderson. Especially the bits.
And just imagine taking that arrogant, looking-down-his-nose-at-you neighbour to have a look at your newly decorated den in the basement. All you have to do is lean up against the fireplace (there has got to be a fireplace, obviously), make a small handgesture and utter the words: “all Cher.” That’ll teach him.

Actually, with Cher you could probably have a fancy den, all the fizzy drinks you could handle and enough fleece jackets to last you a lifetime – with buttons.

Marilyn Monroe pic by Coda for
Broken Barbie pic by Wiseacre photo for


Julia said...

lol this post really cheered up my day - not sure I will view a coca cola bottle in the same light ever again!

Jazz said...

"only to be replaced by someone prettier and skinnier, who will, in turn, be replaced by someone even more so, and so on and so forth."

Which seems to ensure that eventually they will be so thin they'll actually disappear, which means plastic will disappear with them and all platic will cost a fortune because there won't be enough to go around...

Actually, I heard that crematoriums hare having problems with silicone boobs that explode with the heat. Go figure.

choochoo said...

Pupski - I know. Creepy, ain't it?

Jazz - not necessarily. I'm sure that when they become so small that they eventually dissapear, they'll need to be followed around by some sort of sign that points out their location. Lots of signs are made of plastic. Problem solved.

TCP said...

I adore Cary Grant, especially in Hitchcock films. Out of all these modern movie stars, whenever I see George Clooney he reminds me of Grant, like he's the contemporary version of the old favorite. Except in this case there's simply no use asking who's the chicken and who's the egg. Grant is it, the real thing: he was fabulous.

SQT said...

I always loved Humphrey Bogart. He wasn't the best looking but he was cool. He had style and attitude. Just like Cary Grant. Maybe it's because we know too much about the personal lives of the stars, but they just don't seem to make them (no pun intended) like they used to.

choochoo said...

Cary Grant was terrific. Very talented and funny. When I was a kid, I had a bit of a crush on Clark Gable. Him and the dark haired guy from Butch and The Sundance Kid. That was what that show was called, right?

I think we do know to much about the stars today. We know more about them than we do about actual people in our lives. It's kinda scary.

Tim Rice said...

Ah, choochoo! You are too much. ;) Your humor makes my day. :)

Actually, I don't track the celebrities too much. So having a bit of their plastic wouldn't mean much to me. But still, your sense of humor is terrific.

choochoo said...

todays celebrities are boring. When I watch a movie, for example, I don't want to know to much about the people who are acting in it. It's better that way.